Motherhood, the enchanted stage of life that equips women with the superpower needed to venture through this path of life full of thorns and tunnels, is indeed a bittersweet journey. Working with kids with special needs, we have witnessed the incredible strength of mothers, which have always been the best cheerleader, and one of the strongest support behind every kiddo. On this special day where we celebrate mothers, we would like to honour all mothers that continuously give their children the best they could. In this article, we are featuring three incredible mothers with children on the spectrum, to share about motherhood in their eyes.

Shameen

Shameen is the mother of Luke, a 6 year-old boy with autism

1.Can you tell us a little bit about yourself and your child?

I am a working mum of 2 amazing boys, a sister, wife and daughter. I believe strongly in personal growth and I make sure to strive to be a better person than I was yesterday. Luke Adrian-Emuang (a.k.a. Lukey), my 6 year old son, has been a big part of my growth journey. He was diagnosed with ASD when he was 3. He is a cheerful and smiley boy who works so hard every day to learn new skills. He loves music and we often hear him humming or singing to the latest hits on the radio.

2.What is it like to raise a child on the spectrum and what are some things that you have had to give up to support your child? 

Speaking honestly, each person’s experience will be different. My experience personally has been that raising a child on the spectrum has been one of the toughest things I’ve had to do. There are times I struggle to understand what he needs, what goes through his mind and my worries about his future can very easily overtake me, if I allow it to. But I always quickly remember that as much as I may be struggling, he struggles more. There is also joy in raising kids on the spectrum. Supporting a child on the spectrum to me means unconditionally loving them for exactly who they are, throwing out of the window notions of what you thought your life would be like or who you thought your child would be. It is about being there for your child and supporting them to reach their highest and truest potential as a human being. I am fortunate as we have a good support system and the only things we’ve had to “give up” are perhaps material luxuries when prioritising our resources towards supporting Lukey.

3.What are some of your proudest moments with your child, as a mum? 

Lukey makes me proud everyday! It would be so hard to choose. Honestly, everytime he tries something new, everytime he utters a new word, everytime he smiles and engages with his brother, he makes me proud. I am so proud of him for trying so hard to adapt and learn new things despite his struggles. Lukey could not make me prouder.

4.What would be one thing you wish people knew about autism and the change you would like to see?

I wish people knew that those on the spectrum have so much potential within them. They are just different from neurotypicals, but this does not make them any less and all individuals should be treated with respect. Autistic individuals also have the same feelings such as happiness, sadness, frustration, anxiety as all of us do and as carers, it is our duty to support them to reach their highest potential, both from a learning but also social emotional perspective. I would like to see more people, schools and organisations truly embracing and respecting differences and being more inclusive towards neurodivergent individuals.

5.Can you share some words of encouragement to other mothers raising a child with autism?

I’ve learned it’s so important to find some time to take care of yourself and your needs. This will make you a much better person and mother to your child. Don’t be so hard on yourself as you are only human and still learning how to be a partner to your child in this journey. Be kind to yourself. It is a challenging journey ahead but mothers are the strongest people I know. I have also learned that as important as it is for my child to continue to learn new skills and to go for speech, OT, ABA therapy, it is more important that he feels happy whilst going through this journey. Let your child know that you love them unconditionally. I once read this saying which I love, “A child must never work for our love, they must rest in it”.

Monica

Monica is the mother of Jun Xi, a 7 year-old boy with autism.

1.Can you tell us a little bit about yourself and your child?

My name is Monica, and I was born into a big family. I grew up with 10 siblings, it was fun, and I remember in my childhood, every day was busy. Growing up, I was accompanied by my siblings, parents, and grandparents. My family has since become two-fold bigger now as we have all grown up, started a family and have children of our own. My son Jun Xi is an only child, and we live with his grandparents. When he was small, we didn’t notice anything unusual, until he grew up till 2 years old, where he still couldn’t speak. So we sent him to our family paediatrician and were recommended to meet a child specialist. Jun Xi was diagnosed with Autism at the age of 3. The news broke our hearts. So we searched up and down, looking for therapy and help. We met a few specialists and were recommended to start Jun Xi with Speech Therapy, Occupational Therapy, Early Intervention Services(EIS) and ABA Therapy. That is how we started our journey with Jun Xi to overcome all the obstacles and challenges and make sure Jun Xi received all the necessities and therapy in his golden age.

2. What is it like to raise a child on the spectrum and what are some things that you have had to give up to support your child?

It was hard. I have to juggle between work, family and school. It’s difficult for others and families to understand the needs of a child with a spectrum. It was emotionally exhausting and stressful. But with a lot of reading, encouragement and guidance, I managed to overcome this barrier and even convinced my family to send Jun Xi to a full-time ABA Therapy. I gave up on sleep and Netflix, LOL. Who am I kidding? I gave up my pride and came out of my comfort zone. Raising a child with a spectrum has taught me to become humble, understanding, continuous learning, willing to explore and open up the boundary to try out uncertainties and possibilities.

3. What are some of your proudest moments with your child, as a mum?

We have a routine to read him a baby book every night before he sleeps for over a year. Jun Xi suddenly read out all of the words from the baby book! We thought he would never speak, it felt like a huge rock had been removed from our shoulders. 

4. What would be one thing you wish people knew about Autism and the change you would like to see?

People should know a child with Autism has a broad range of conditions and has different needs. Hence it’s called a spectrum disorder. I would like to see more people sending their children on the spectrum to therapy and stop the stigma of Autism.

5. Can you share some words of encouragement to other mothers raising a child with Autism?

Do not let others think or decide for you. You know what is best for your child, so make the right decision for them as they cannot do it for themselves.

Datin Fiza

Datin Fiza is the mother of Ar Rayyan, a 7 year-old boy with autism.

1. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself and your child?

I am a 47 years old mother running my own business, and Rayyan appeared in my life when I was 40 years old. At first it was tiring, but as time goes by, I thank God who has given me the best thing in my life and it is still the best thing ever happened. Since Rayyan came into my life, a lot of unexpected things happened, I started to get more organised, in terms of my daily schedule where all the while before this it was just only about me or my husband.

As for Rayyan,  he was born with special needs, hence I need to give him full attention. When my husband and I discovered that Rayyan had mild autism. I was sad. I cried and cried, until I realised that Rayyan is a son gifted by God to me, a gift that only the chosen people will get. He is a special gift from heaven. As time passed, it’s been almost 7 years. He had shown tremendous improvements. Special thanks to all his teachers and EAP, where they never give up and it made me feel like I am not alone on this journey. I look forward to the day that Rayyan can be independent.

2. What is it like to raise a child on the spectrum and what are things that you had to give up to support your child?

At first it was hard, since I didn’t have any experience with a baby before this. Furthermore, he has special needs. As time passed, it made me stronger, and I became a more loving mother.

As for things I had to give up – none, because his father has given me 300% of support to raise him since the day he was born to this world. I’m lucky.

3. What are some of your proudest/ best moments with your child, as a mum?

Being able to breastfeed my child. That’s the best moment ever as a mother.

4. What would be one thing you wish people knew about Autism and the change you would like to see?

Autism can be treated at an early stage.

I hope to see more schools like EAP in Malaysia, for families with children on the spectrum.

5. Can you share some words of encouragement to other mothers raising a child with Autism?

Children with autism are Special Gifts by God, that God gifts only to Special People.

We would like to thank all amazing mothers for giving us a glimpse of their motherhood, we hope this sheds light into a mother’s journey raising a child on the spectrum. 

Happy Mother’s Day!